今日は模試だった。４４人という今の時代では考えられない人数のクラスだが、これでも一応特進だ。私のクラスではこのうち４０人がセンター試験を受験する。そして今日は４１人が模試を受験。
私の勤務する学校では様々な目的で様々な試験が休日に展開される。私のクラスはほとんどが大学受験をするクラスなので、年度始めの休日出勤の係選びで、できるだけ模試を選んでおいた。
私の教え子もいよいよ受験の終盤を迎え、本気になってきた。顔を眺めていると、入学してきた２年半前とはそれぞれが違う表情をしている。自分の人生に本気になって勉強している生徒ほど、大人っぽい顔つきになってきた。
そういえば思い出す。自分のセンター試験が終わった日の夕食で、母親に言われた「あんた、本気で闘って来たんだね、いい顔してるわ」今となってはあのとき以上に頑張った経験は他にもあるが、その当時は考えられないほど努力した。それでも届いたのは第２志望だ。高校も自分の行きたかった高校から一つ下げた高校に通った。なかなか一番行きたい学校で学ぶ機会を得ることは難しい。しかし、そんな人生なりに、どこで学んでも全力を尽くせば納得できるものを作り上げることができることも学んだ。
そうはわかっていても、自分の教え子には第１志望校に行ってほしい。私の教え子のほとんどは涙を飲んでこの学校に来た子たちばかり。だからこそ、こういう私立の高校が私にはいい。夢破れて悔しさを胸に来たこの学校だから。そこから、自分が少しでも良い教師でありたいと励む勇気をもらえるから。
そんなことを考えながら、模試の間、生徒の顔を眺めていた。
Today, my students took a mock exam for a university entrance examination. There are 44 students in my class, which is extremely old-fashioned now. Of these 44, 41 took today's exam.
Our school have many kinds of exams which are held on Sunday. Since most of my students are going to take the university entrance examination, I took this duty (taking care of the exam) of my own free will.
The university entrance examination coming close, my students are getting more and more serious. Looking at them writing on their answer sheet, I realized that their faces have become ones that adults have; very different from two and a half years ago, when they entered this school.
Their faces reminded me of a moment with my mother. When I had dinner with my family right after finishing the Center Examination, she told me that I looked better, because I had been making a lot of efforts. "You look good, mature." Looking back now, I have other experiences where I made more efforts than that time, but still, at that time I did my best. I studied more than others might have expected. However, I could not even take the exam for the university that I had wanted to go the most. The same thing had happened for high school entrance exam. I have learned, however, that which school to go does not matter very much as long as I do my best.
Although I know this is the case, I still hope that my students will enter the universities that they like the best. Many of my students came to our school because they failed the exam for the high school they wanted to go to. Therefore, I can see why I am here. This fact gives me the reason that I have to try to be a better teacher. I would like to be able to help them make their dream come true next time.
